Challenges

While I could write about the great day of clinic I had last week or the fun day on call that I had this week, and even complain about how tired I was on Tuesday after sleeping maybe 4 hours, or how I didn't get to actually catch the baby because once that momma decided to push, it took less than 8 minutes until delivery, and the CNM beat me there, what I'm going to do (other than write ridiculously long run-on sentences) is write about me when I'm tired.

On my interview last week, one of the questions was, "What are you like after 30 hours of no sleep?" At the time, I wasn't sure. I've never gone 30 hours without sleep, and said so. I still haven't, but I've had time to reflect on who I am when I'm tired and overwhelmed. So here it is:

I get cranky. Not with those around me, but with myself. I get really upset at my lack of brain power, organization, ability to complete a task. Little things that I can usually blow off make me more upset than they should. I'm more likely to spill things (drinks, a bowl of cereal) and then get angry that I have to clean up. I am later than usual getting things done. And sometimes, hopefully rarely (but you'll have to ask those around me), I throw a little tantrum. Like this morning. I'm tired, but slept last night and the night before, so I've gotten 4+6+7=17 hours of sleep in the last 3 nights. Not really that bad (although I'm much nicer with 24 hours of sleep in three days). I'm behind on my school work, which is stressing me out, since it feels unlikely that catching up is possible. And then my phone died last night in the middle of a conversation. Not like it died and needed to be charged, but it died. Not working. Which meant that this morning when I was supposed to be calling another state for a phone interview, I couldn't. (I'm writing from the Apple store where my iPhone is now restored).

So the short story is that all of this stress caused me to have a temper tantrum about not being able to find a check that I wanted to deposit. Out loud, around a friend. Not directed toward her, but she had to see me just getting angry about something fairly unimportant. Ugh.

Fortunately, she's a good friend. She tried to calm me down. She still loves me.

And I'll get over it, move on, and try not to throw such a fit next time.